Be still my heart

‎"Be still my heart; thou hast known worse than this...But curb thou the high spirit in thy breast, for gentle ways are best, and keep aloof from sharp contentions." -Homer

In an instant today, my mosaic heart reconstructed painstakingly, again shattered into a billion shards of hope, friendship & love long lost leaving me desolate, broken & bereft with just one look. How I managed to converse and make any coherent sense, I am sure to not ever know. But as I drove away, my soul dissolved into a lake of tears, pain and loneliness all over again.

It is a thin line between love and hate. Oh how I wish I could hate, but I banished that from me back in 2000 because love bears ALL things. I loathe myself for still loving him when I know I was nothing to him.

WTF is wrong with me?! I know better...I am better. I feel like cutting my beating heart from my chest this instant and would if I were certain that is what would make it all go away...