This has to be the most SURREAL day ever in my existence to date...
After leaving my Mom at the Mental Health Coop Crisis Care Center last night, she strolls into the house today like nothing happened. I ask her what the Dr. said & she tells me she has an appt next Monday. That is it. She eats a bowl of noodles
, but still appears hungry as I prepare lunch for Gavin so I offer her some. She accepts it and devours it. All seems well for about 1 1/2 to 2 hrs. Then the fun begins again...
I finally get her Dr. on the phone at 4 pm and very THOROUGHLY give her my Mom's 20 yr history of paranoid Schizophrenia & Depression in a brief 30 minute exchange. FINALLY, she understands that my Mom is FAR WORSE than they e
ven knew and isn't on the adequate medication to help her from losing her footing in our reality. Dr tells me to take her BACK to MHCC for them to likely admit her. I told her I would make it happen as I skillfully craft a plan of action in my head.
What they haven't yet figured out is that I didn't just get all my wit, intellect and stubborn will out of thin air...I did acquire this all from my Mother so she is NO easy rabbit to trap. I invited her to go to Pancakes with Santa for supper and then on to Gavin's Cub Scout Troop's project to carol at the McKendree Retirement Center & give the residents hand-painted Christmas cards. Once finished there, I meant to make a fast break of it to Metro Center to the Crisis Center. Ahead of time, I had gathered all her medication & deposited it in the car to avoid detection. My Mom might be crazy, but that bitch is still MORE paranoid and watches EVERY move you make.
All went according to plan, exactly...UNTIL she realized where we were heading. Then she started losing her shit. First she began telling me what she would & wouldn't do. That changed to belittling me and calling me a prostitute (her psychosis revolves around religion & sex...go figure) again only this time in front of my child instead of the entire Mental Health Coop. We get off the exit & I proceed down the road almost to the first of two turns I need to make to the center when she tries to open the door...which I had counted on and had locked with child proof lock. What I DIDN'T consider is that the wily crazy-bitch would manually unlock the door at lightning speed, fling the door open and order me to stop & let her out. It caught me off guard & I slowed slightly. What transpired next was truly like something from a movie...
As I made the left turn, my 57 yr old mother like psychotic Evel Knievel leaps from my car at my 25-30 mph slamming into the pavement flat on her face and laying there like a chalk outline. Gavin is speechless and eyes are popping out of his lil head as I throw my Element into park and jump out running to her. I am almost to Mom as a car behind me screeches to a halt to avoid hitting her while the driver queries if she's ok. Suddenly my Mother jumps to her feet and dashes down the street like a deranged gingerbread man! WTF???!!! I think as in my mind I can hear her shouting, "Catch me if you can!"
I simultaneously explain the situation to the witness while I call the police for assistance. Gavin is so stunned that he never even thinks to exit the car which is most unusual for my child. The very kind and understanding woman who stopped is most sympathetic about our situation and gives me her information as I wait for the police to arrive. I watch my Mom make it a block and a half to 2 blocks before she reaches the intersection & stops to smoke and pace. After a while she comes back while we are there waiting and agrees to get into the car with me and go to the center. I figure that she understands that it will be MUCH easier to go on her own than to be cuffed and dragged in.
We got into the car as I called the police dispatcher back to just have them meet us at the center while Mom continues to ramble on about her displeasure with all of this. She never seemed to miss a beat, nor seemed at all dazed. I'm sitting there thinking, "OMG! You just jumped out of my fucking moving car!!!" Very calmly I park and instruct Gavin to get out with me. He's very cautiously eying his Nana. After all he just witnessed, he will never see her as the same sweet Nana again.
They called in a second officer to keep watch as she was considered a flight risk. The others in the center commented that my Mom must be a doozy at that. Here is this seemingly sweet older smallish frail looking woman who needs two armed police men near to keep all safe & well. After talking with her and getting my statements, the crisis counselors consulted her doctor & they decided to admit her to Vanderbilt Psychiatric Hospital.
They allowed Mom to go smoke while the police officer stayed close to her as they explained to Gavin & me they were admitting her. MHCC said we could wait but it would be perfectly ok if we left now. They told me they weren't telling her anything until they were ready to have the police officers take her to the hospital in order to keep her calm. I knew this was their way of telling us kindly it would be better to go ahead & leave. I certainly didn't want Gavin to see anything worse.
I told Gavin to hug her & tell her he loved her & good-bye. He wasn't feeling most compliant. I told him that I wouldn't allow any disrespect that she is still my Mom & his Nana & we love her. Gavin did much better on his second run. As I hugged my Mam...the only one I have in the world...I began to weep as I told her how I loved her and implored her to do as they asked. Begged her to take her medication.
Her hardness broke for a minute as she told me not to cry & hugged me. I felt worse at that like taking some poor dog to the kill shelter. I know it is for her own good & safety and all of ours. Blindly, I made for Gavin & the door just reaching the frigid air as the door snapped locking behind me before my sobs broke out. I missed a step and nearly fell dropping my purse while my dear sweet child grabbed my elbow to steady me and patted my back as I regained enough composure to drive us home.
I am blessed to have such a compassionate & loving child. Riding home I asked Gavin if he was freaked out and very calmly he said, "On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being freaked out of my mind, I am a 6, Mom." I assured him that was normal and that I was VERY proud of him for holding up so well. I asked him to tell me if he had any thoughts, observations or questions about all that had just happened. He said he had none. Gavin is a strong, wise child in many ways, yet fragile like someone else we all know...
As my mother screamed at me last night & tonight on the way there how I was abandoning her again, I knew I had to save myself & child first. She cannot comprehend that I am helping her and trying to save her, too. It fillets my soul to hear her screams in reality and as they haunt my dreams. Dear God, please just give me peace and for my dear crazy Mother as well. Amen.
